I’m Fighting

ComplexPTSD Crash

At war

Why do I keep fighting for my life?
Why can’t I just enjoy my life?
I am in a fight with myself to survive
I pull the sword on my own life
No idea why
I wound myself in the war
Just to get up again, to fight
I try to run away
but I am still, in the shadow of myself
Blood is flowing from my veins
I try to stop it
but I am still, fighting against myself
“Do you want to die?
Do you want to run away?”
I’m asking myself
“I will hold you in my hand, You are mine!”
But the suffering is real
The blood pouring from my veins is warm
I am losing consciousness,
but I will, keep on fighting this war
Death is staring me in the eye
But I can’t, lose this fight
I will keep on fighting for my life
Even though I am going to die!

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Published by ComplexPTSD Crash

Welcome to my odyssey through Complex PTSD. It started unexpectedly on August 9th, 2021, during a challenging 12 km hike. The morning was calm, the air crisp, and our spirits high as we set off. Eager and ecstatically happy, we embarked on this unforeseen difficult adventure. However, merely five hundred meters in, I found myself falling behind. Determined to catch up, I quickened my pace, glancing at my watch. And then... a tree materialized before me, greeting me with a terrible greeting. From that moment, everything shifted... thus marking the start of my life-changing journey into the world of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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