Canyon Suffocating (Day 4)
A new morning,
A fresh, cool morning.
The canyon birds are singing,
I hope this is a good day!
I’m still exhausted and tired,
But it’s okay.
We are almost there,
Another two days to spare.
I will make it!
I’m a canyon survivor,
I did it once,
I can do it again.
After coffee and oats,
Ready to go!
This day is an easy day,
They say!
Really?
Sand, rocks, dust, boulders, and sweat,
It all lies ahead of us,
But we are ready.
Five kilometres in,
We get the first water tank,
Whoo-Whoo!!
I start walking slowly,
Towards the cliff,
Then I hear,
“Wrong side, you must go up here!”
What???
No!!!
I don’t have energy for another hill,
But up we go,
It’s destroying me.
I try my best,
And then the leader comes back,
“Take my backpack to the top,”
My leg muscles don’t want to
push me straight anymore,
My knee gives way under me.
I kind of feel helpless,
But I’m pushing myself,
I reach the top,
Out of breath.
The leader tells me,
“Breathe in,
Keep it for a second,
And breathe out,”
So, I catch my breath again,
Ready again.
Downhill we go,
Step by step,
We reach the bottom,
Forward we go.
We reach the 50 mark,
I’m nauseous,
But it’s not a new feeling,
I felt nauseous from day one,
Now, my hubby and I,
We are nauseous from the salty water taste.
The leader provides us with a zofer,
I’m so grateful for such a small pill.
We sit down to catch our breath,
A picture would be nice,
But I’m wasted,
It’s hard for me,
I’m suffocating here.
And then, the unexpected
urticaria knocks me hard,
It’s in my lungs,
I try to keep calm,
But I get anxious,
I tell myself,
“You’ll be okay!”
We must get going again,
Oh no! Just give me a second,
I need a shot,
Anxiety overtakes,
Just breathe!
The first shot is in,
I wait a while,
Second shot, straight in the vein,
I get ready to walk again,
I’m a little bit shaky,
But off we go.
All I can think of is,
One step at a time,
And then…
Oh, look, people!
We meet up,
I am exhausted,
I feel pale,
So we greet and move forward,
Uphill till we reach,
The orange water tank,
Get fresh water,
No filtering,
Mmm, lekker water!
So Pink Palace is ahead of us,
Everyone is talking about a cold beer,
I wish!
I’m not allowed to have alcohol,
Hopefully, they have a cold Coke.
Well, it’s another five kilometres,
Slowly I’m moving forward,
I am so tired,
We move forward,
We are six hundred meters away,
I drag myself forward,
I want to faint,
I just can’t go any faster,
Suddenly my hubby says,
“Look, they got a ride…”
What the F#@!
I was mad!
They got a kilometre less to walk.
I reach the PINK PALACE,
I drop my backpack,
Lay down and try to relax,
Oh, lekker coke,
I drink it fast.
Then the words,
“Clean your backpack,
Throw away your trash,”
Ugggh!!!
Oh, get out all the food,
Give it to Robert the water guy,
My backpack isn’t lighter,
I get a second Coke,
Down it.
Then the music starts,
They shake their bodies,
I’m asking, “Where the hell
Do you get all this energy from?”
“Let’s go, guys!” shouts the leader,
And the existing group,
Sends us off with a song.
I ponder forth,
I have energy,
But not for long,
I hit a brick wall,
Everyone is waiting for me,
It’s a hill,
I can’t.
Hubby pushes me from the back,
The leader pulls me from the front,
I reach halfway,
I can’t go on,
A panic attack is close,
He prayed for me,
I can go on,
But I can’t talk,
I’m exhausted,
Only one step at a time,
For every heart rock, I see,
I say thank You!
I want to pick them up,
But it’s too much energy that gets lost,
Then the Lord said,
“You don’t have to thank Me,
I know your heart,
It’s there for your encouragement!”
Then He said,
“You don’t have to pick them up,
They are already locked up in your heart,”
Then I ask Him,
“Will you give me one more
Before the end?”
He didn’t reply,
I asked if He will help me,
‘Cause I feel like dying,
Then He replied and said,
“Did I ever leave you alone?
I am faithful even when you are not!
I carried you through a desert path,
Once before, I will not abandon you now!”
I wanted to cry,
But I was too tired to shed a tear,
Eventually, we reach our camp,
I collapse on the sand and
Lay there for a while,
But the tent must go up,
We get ready for the night,
My legs hurt,
I want to sleep,
After everything is done,
We lie down and fall asleep.
CPTSD Crash 