Canyon Journey Exhaustion (Day 1)
The sun rises,
The birds start to sing.
We wake up,
Our journey begins.
We are excited,
We can’t wait.
Our backpacks are ready,
Heavy but steady.
What lies ahead of us?
We don’t know yet,
But excitement is our guide.
We get in the shuttle,
We drive off into the dust.
We laugh and joke,
Chat and mount.
But we are ready,
For this adventure.
The sun is hot,
Our hearts are glad.
Ready or not,
Here we come!
We arrive at the start,
Unpack our bags and off we go.
First, a group picture,
Everyone puts their bags on their backs.
The descent starts,
We go slowly.
I lock the chain,
Take a memorable picture,
Smile and proceed.
I am excited,
Maybe too excited.
Adrenaline starts pumping,
Through my being.
I shake,
My knee wants to give way under me.
I keep cool,
My heart beats like crazy.
Every step shakes,
But I keep going.
The sun is extremely hot,
I sip water.
The hat irritates me,
I get frustrated.
We reach the bottom of the canyon,
We keep moving.
It is almost Lunch,
We stop and take a break.
My shaky knee,
Commands all my attention.
I apply a plaster to keep it stable.
I am hungry,
I eat all my snacks.
Biltong, droë wors, and nuts.
We start again,
I walk fast through the sinking sand.
We stop and rest again,
Then I start to follow the wrong path.
Everyone passes me by,
Anxiety takes hold of me.
I am fearful but don’t let it show.
We carry on, but I am suffering.
My body is in shock,
I am too hot.
Everyone is ahead of me.
We take a little break,
But then I say,
“I mustn’t panic right now.”
Then the panic attack,
Takes hold of me from behind.
I start to cry,
I want out,
But I can’t.
We get up and press on,
Step by step.
But I want to give up,
The second-last stop,
I fall down on the ice-cold rock.
Life is slowly leaving me,
I can’t carry on…
Just leave me here,
So I can die,
I can’t go on,
I want to leave my body here.
But then I get up again,
And stumble through.
Energy is leaving my body,
I feel it escaping.
I can’t speak,
I can only put one foot in front of the other.
I am exhausted,
My mind is tired.
It wants to explode within my head,
I can’t think,
I can’t speak,
I can’t listen,
Don’t touch me,
Just one step at a time.
The leader comes back,
Rescues me from my backpack,
But still,
I can’t think,
I can’t speak,
I can’t listen,
Don’t touch me,
I am exhausted.
My husband and I,
Reach the campsite with applause.
I sit down,
Too tired to do anything.
After a few minutes,
We manage to set up the tent,
For the night.
We purify the water for the next day,
I just hold the bags.
I can’t speak,
I only make hand signs.
“If you don’t understand my silence,
You would never understand my words!”
We eat and go to bed,
But no sleep is allowed,
By the snoring monster next to me.
I don’t sleep at all,
And that’s how the next morning arrives.
CPTSD Crash 