Am I safe
I’m in my safe place
But I’m not safe with myself
I don’t want to have an addiction
But, I have
Everything was crumbling under me
But, I had me
I had control over myself, I thought
But not everything went as planned
The addiction took its tall over me
Now I’m free, but I’m not
I’ll let it go
I have no more control
But, I want to cry
I want to scream
I acknowledge:
I’m in need
I’ll let it go
I’ll let it out
Be free and scream
Free yourself from the fear
Everything, doesn’t have to be in control
Be safe with me
I’m scared,
I’m afraid
I want to hide, I want to run
Help me escape
The addiction took its tall over me
My identity was broken
My identity was stolen
I was broken and lost
I thought I was safe
But I was not
A boy I wanted to be
But I couldn’t
If only I get hurt
I might just change
If it doesn’t go away,
Then you’ll be a boy
Forever to stay
It might just be
So, I hurt myself in the hope
that it will change me
But it didn’t
My dad said:
“It will be over before you turn into a boy”
Now I’m only in pain
Everything hurts
but nothing is wrong
I want to hide
I want to run
I want to die…
Even my granny thought …
I was a boy
It cut so deep
It hurt me so
I’m not a girl
My heart sunk
My tears were near
But I couldn’t cry
I’m not a boy, neither am I a girl
What am I then, I wondered?
So, I turn to porn
and it marked it clear
I’m just a nobody
Not worthy of dignity
Just to realize I’m a nobody
My heart sunk even deeper
My eyes were wet
But, I was stuck
I was a nobody
I screamed
I cried
I’m in control of myself
I have my addiction
I’m strong
But I’m weak
My safe place, is not safe for me
I hurt myself
It hurt my heart
I’m ashamed of me
My feelings – guilt is all over me
I’m lost
I want to kiss my friend
But she’s not like me
She keeps calm and kind
But I want to hide
I want out
I’m hurting our hearts
Tears are flowing
I want to run
I want out
But I’m stuck in the mud
I don’t want to be like this
I want to be me
But, who am I really?
I thought I was safe
But safe is not safe anymore
I’m lost
I can’t find myself
Am I free now?
I don’t want to be me
But who do you want me to be?
The addiction took a tall over me
I want to cry
Get this feeling out of me
I want to be free
I want to be me
I’m a girl
I’m not a boy?
The addiction took a tall over me
I’m lost
I’m broken
I don’t know who I am
Will I be free?
I’ll let go
I’ll find myself
Even when I’m not
I’m in control
Control of my own world
But I’m not free to live
I’m strangled by my addiction
I’m strangled in my own mind
I want out
I’m afraid to let this one go
I’m losing my mind
I’m scared
I want to run
I want to hide and never come out
Will I be myself?
Will I escape my fear?
Will I be able to feel I am in control?
I’m scared to find out who I am
I’m afraid to show you the real me
Will, you still love me?
Will, you still be there for me?
I’m here, I’m free
I’m me, a girl you see
I can breathe and be me!
CPTSD Crash 