The Road
Sometimes I feel safer flying
Then to be on the ground
To fly is to be free,
I can breathe in the air
So, when we flew
It felt like I could breathe again and find myself
The stress was leaving me
Four months of crying went by
I was relieved from all
the suffering, pain and shame
Just to get a new load of pain washed over me
School was hard
Bullying just kept on coming my way
I was lost in my own town
I wanted to disappear
But my life was not jet done
My addiction kicked in harder
it left me hanging on the edge
And then I fell over the cliff of life
In the process, I found my family
but we lost our touch
it was strange
we knew each other
but we didn’t know each other’s hearts
and when we eventually flew again
and realised it was the last time
the last time in an awfully long time
I lost so many on the flight to “freedom”
but actually, we were only back in bondages’
‘cause she suffered from a thing “cold ice”
She was locked up in her own jail
for several years
We nearly never saw her
To me, she was not alive
But she was still around
I took the responsibilities of life on me
But no one will give me that recognition
I stood strong
when I was only weak
My heart was broken and sad
I had my own struggles to deal with
My addiction and my fear for school
I was scared to look ahead
Bullied, mocked and left alone
it made me angry and sad
I was so afraid and mad
I wanted to escape the pain
I didn’t know how to live my life
I was looking for answers
but I found none
I was all alone
Year after year
I walked the road along
No one saw me sitting sad and alone
Tears changed to anger
Sadness changed to hate
I was left alone
I was so alone
Then she tried to exchange
her life for silence
But it was not jet her time
Thereafter my pain,
My pain numbs me
I disappear along the road
No one wondered what happened to me
but I was lost in my own pain
I disappear for a while
Just to realise,
I was not really missed
I was all alone
Only my addiction kept me on the go
It was hard but I was still on the road
The addiction grew stronger
I was desperate, I wanted answers
The answers never came
I was alone in my own pain
No one asked me if I was okay
I promised myself
I will never take that train
So, I kept my promise for a very long time
But still, I wanted to jump on that train
Now, that train is gone
I am glad, I kept my promise
Still, sometimes
I’m on the lookout for that train
but I will go when my time has come
I will keep going on this road
‘cause so many took the sword
and slight it through their one hearts
But sadly, the train came by again
I didn’t hesitate
I took the jump,
but I missed it!
I was badly hurt
the train didn’t even notice me
Now I am on the rails
looking ahead to the road again
CPTSD Crash 