Anger was bursting within me I needed to control the anger inside of me I wanted to smash my heart within my chest So, I clenched my hand, preventing self-infliction pain But still, I did hurt myself I am angry with myself I harmed myself in pursuit of freedom I wanted to understand what was wrong with me Yet, instead, I struck my heart with force But it failed to take the pain away Now I strive to resolve my deep-seated pain I haven’t let it go; it remains within me I think about jumping off the roof Not to end my life, but to escape the intense inner pain Help me dig deep and free myself, from all the pain that lives inside of me
Congratulations, you are free now With a master’s degree to show You have conquered knowledge through life’s experiences Enduring extreme trauma, drama and turmoil You’ve travelled the path for forty-seven “fruitful” years, Wearing the scars of life with pride Now, equipped with a life degree. Embrace the road ahead of you, with joy and peace, as you lay down the brutality that you have endured You’ve earned your life’s diploma May its light, never fade away Embrace the freedom, bestowed upon you, Live your life to the fullest, as you’re destined to do. Look forward and succeed, live your life, paint it in vibrant colours, leaving behind the shadows of black and whites You’ve earned this degree, with compassion and grace Now, embark on your journey, a new chapter to embrace.
A new chapter, riddled with fear and anxiety awaits no one asked for the haunting presence of flashbacks and nightmares but life threw an unexpected curve ball at you unexpected, unforeseen, on a sunny day your life came to a sudden stillstand This new chapter began in a blink of an eye without any warning or indication you can’t turn back the page, nor revisit the words of the last sentence You didn’t seek this new Chapter in your life cause the previous one seemed perfectly fine Sufficient for you to continue living Yet, it sneaked up on you and knocked you over With fear, anxiety, flashbacks nightmares and an uncertain future looming before you You tremble with fear, for what lies ahead of you!
Terrified and trembling, I went forth today, Seeking an escape from the turmoil inside of me My vision clouded, dimmed by fear’s haze, But then, my eyes caught sight I saw the tip of the iceberg. But I was already too far away so I was sinking into the depths of the ocean, Suddenly, a rescuer arrived, setting me free from drowning. Though I didn’t see Him, I felt His guiding hand, “Why wouldn’t You let me drown?” I asked, surprised. He didn’t reply, but I understood deep within His love for me cut deeper than my mortal sin.
When I entered this world, I emerged from the depths of a black hole. Seeing the light, I believed I had escaped the darkness, But soon realized I was still trapped within something new. For three more days, I hid within a tub, Aware that my mom and dad were there for me, Yet, feeling alone and isolated. I couldn’t return to where I came from, But being here was not what I desired. I screamed silently within, I was unable to hear my dad, Lost and fearful within myself. Then, he arrived and rescued me, Placing me in a car alongside you. Somehow, I recognized you, though you didn’t know me jet, I loved you deeply, but you held some distance at first Now I know you are always by my side, Even during moments of frustration and impatience. Yet, I will continue to love you till the end, Even through those difficult times, You have been my big brother, always at my side!
I plunge into the deep blue sea, Where sharks encircle me and make their presence known to me Their teeth, sharp and dangerous, I see Fear grips me, anxious for their bite No help within my sight Only the sharks and I, facing the mighty sea Into the depths, I’ll sink and disappear No breath to take, my lungs no longer filled with air As the sand of the ocean covers me I shall become a skeleton, all alone a reflection of the sea’s embrace Covered in bones with no haunting trace Forgotten, where secrets got rotten In the depths of the sea, my final resting place Embraced eternally by its mighty embrace.
Dangerous thoughts are surfacing up in me. I long to act upon them, But I am forbidden to explore. Where might they lead me? They have the power to harm me. I find myself in a deep hole, Engaged in a battle within. Where is the guiding light? The light that brightens my path? I am floating within myself, Wondering if I will rediscover who I am. It is necessary for my well-being, Although it might not feel that way right now
The dragon living within me is black and green, With fiery tongues of red and orange escaping its mouth. I fear for myself, But can you grasp the fear that consumes me when it arises? I will keep it hidden deep inside, within No one shall know. I shall retain its presence. I dread releasing it, It might cause harm when it comes to the light. I do not wish to harm myself, yet fear lingers, Could you take up my sword and defeat it in my place? The dragon inside instils fear I yearn to set it free, but how can I free it? Run and hide, but remain confined, I am unwilling to unleash it, Yet why am I so anxious to release it? Help me understand, I must find a way to let him go.
Fear clings to my heart, I want to hide, but I cannot. I am trapped in the swamp of my own thoughts, Where can I find refuge? Fear is tearing me apart Will you anchor me tide? I am afraid of what I might do Assure me that I am all right. Please, do not abandon me, For I will perish alone if you depart. Just sit with me, let me know that I will be okay, Don’t rob me of my potential. I simply wish to be myself, Just hold my hand, and assure me that I will be all right.
I’m a shipwreck, can’t you see Fish are swimming right through me I’m invisible, unseen by anyone Treasures are locked up in the sea But no one will see the riches in me For I am at the bottom of the sea Darkness is closing in on me But the sun is shining on the sea A diver is swimming towards me To rescue me and the treasures he can see But still, I remain a shipwreck in the sea
My life was a wreck at sea Pirates came and destroyed me at sea They stole all the treasures that I had on board with me I was wounded in the robbery I barely; nearly didn’t survive The storms were rough around me No one in sight to rescue me A flare in the air, unseen by anyone I was a wreck at sea Somehow, I made it through, surviving my ordeal Scared, drifting along, I landed on the sand I was so glad But still, no one in sight 40 days had passed, 3 years, is nearly gone Now, I must save myself The water is still rough around me But still, I will survive this time and tell you: I have suffered, but I have survived!
CPTSD Crash 