Tag: CPTSD

The knots

ComplexPTSD Crash

Chaos strangled up in me

All the chaos strangled up in me
I try to make sense of it all
I walk through it
to straighten my path
But it’s not easy
to untangle the knots
and to make them straight
Some are so tight up
they can’t loosen up
But I will keep on trying
till it’s done
For everyone loosens up
I will celebrate my wins
to free the pain
Pain is tough,
but I’ll survive
I close my eyes
to escape the brutality of my pain
But in the end,
I must look it straight in the eye
I will walk through it
I will release the pain
I’ll be set free of the extraordinary pain
So that I can smile another day
I will look back and think to myself
It was worth going through the pain
I have suffered enough with
the pain in my heart and mind
But now I’m free to fly again
The knots have loosened up
They are straight and
I can breathe again
to fly free in the air again

Happy new Year

ComplexPTSD Crash

Danny Gokey – New Day

Wake up and breathe in deeper than yesterday
Take on the morning like your soul’s been remade
Roll down the windows let your cares fly away
Good things are yours to claim you don’t have to wait
All across the sky
New mercies rise
And the future’s bright
This is a new day
Everything bursting with hope
Coming alive in this moment, moment
You’ve got a freedom
No looking back anymore
Open your eyes, it’s coming, coming
This is a new day
The old has gone away
The old has gone away
This is a new day
Don’t let it slip away
Don’t let it slip away
Go on and reignite impossible dreams
Become the one you never thought you could be
Love hasn’t give up on you
Love hasn’t give up on you
Love is making the old things new
Today and every single day

Sunflowers

ComplexPTSD Crash

Set Free

You have hurt my life,
You have hurt my heart,
But I will set you free,
Because you will NOT hurt me anymore.
Forgiveness is flowing from me to you,
So that I may be free,
Of all the hurt you caused me.
And now I’m free,
You can’t hurt me anymore.
The thoughts of you are buried in the ground,
So I can’t see them anymore.
I will plant sunflowers there,
So beauty will be set free.
Power will flow through me,
So I can be free.
I’m beautiful! Can’t you see?
Flowers surround me.
I don’t need your cruelty in my mind.
I am set free,
From the hurt you caused me,
and the wounds that were within me.

Christmas

ComplexPTSD Crash

Michael Bublé – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
Our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on
Our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us, once more
Through the years
We all will be together If the fates allow
Hang a shining star
Upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas right now
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us, once more
Through the years
We all will be together If the fates allow
So hang a shining star
Upon the highest bough
A merry little Christmas now

Be Kind

ComplexPTSD Crash

Kindness

Be kind they say
All over social media
But why now?
When we were kids
Cruelty was the way to go
Hurt the vulnerable and weary
That’s what they did
It made me mad
so, all I did,
was swing my fists in anger
words were so limited
even now…
you were not part of us
Why bother now?
but we grow up, so kind
but still, the pain is real
and still part of my life
I forgave them,
I’ve set them free
But still,
the shadows of pain
following me around

Are you Perfect?

ComplexPTSD Crash

Judge

Why would I judge myself?
For stuff that came my way
Life happened as it should
I think…
All the S*#$ with it
I didn’t ask for it
But I can walk through it
I think…
Just as I am
God – My Father
He is always at my side
Jesus covers me with His blood
To strengthen me on this path
I wouldn’t judge myself
But you can judge me
if you think…
it’s the right thing to do
Life happened,
and it was S*#$
But I choose to turn it around
I will stand because
Jesus is standing right by my side.

Questions

ComplexPTSD Crash

The Truth

If you ask me,
What is wrong with you?
I’ll lie and say I’m fine
But when you touch me and
ask, are you okay?
I’ll cry and tell you why
But most properly I will lie
But when you love me and
you care about me
I might open up to you
and tell you the truth:
I cut myself, to heal my pain
I hurt myself, to cut myself free
I try to free myself,
from the damage inside of me
Now, I am broke all over
inside and outside
But hopefully,
soon I’ll be free
from the hurt inside of me

A Movie

ComplexPTSD Crash

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are flashing
through my mind
Like a movie
that wants to start
What movie will I show
A drama, maybe a Horror
A thriller with a Joker or a scary scene
or, wait a crime movie
with shooting, killing and blood
or maybe an adult movie with
language, sex and nudity.
O this is not for your eyes to see
Please turn it off for me
But the movie wants to start
And it is dark
Red is flashing in front of me
But I don’t want to see
this movie of me…

I’ll Pray for you

ComplexPTSD Crash

Pray

I’ll pray for you
I care about you
I want to help you through
I’ll be here for you
To see you through
Don’t be shy
to tell me you’re not okay
I feel your pain 
I know you hurt
Don’t be shy
to tell me you’re not okay
I’m here for you
to help you though
I’ll pray for you
As long as you need me to
You will pull through
Cause I’ll pray for you
You will be strong
To pull it through
Don’t give in
I’m here for you
I’ll pray for you
So, you’ll see the light
It might take long
But I’m here for you
I’ll pray for you
Cause I care about you
I’ll see you soon

Pray for me

ComplexPTSD Crash

Pray for me

My heart is going to
burst into a thousand pieces
I can’t carry this much pain
I will be crushed under the circumstances
Will you help me?
Will you carry me through?
My eyes are blurry from all the crying
I can’t feel my emotions anymore
My feet are slipping
I am falling
Where is the ground?
Where can I stand?
Can I find peace in myself
I am crushed by my emotions
All I see is darkness
Where is the light
Why am I alone?
No hand to hold
I write in the night
When everything is silent
No one can judge me for all my faults
But you are there on your knees
Praying for me
I feel the grace all over me
I know I will survive
But for how long must I wait?
My emotions are all over the place
I can’t faint
Just keep on praying
Please pray for me!